Dirty Laundry

I sometimes despise my ex-husband. I know, I know - who doesn't despise their ex? Most divorces end up getting ugly and both parties end up hurt, bitter and ashamed of the way they acted. My ex is one of those ashamed people. At least he says he is. Let me explain...

I will try and do this without going into all the gory details of the marriage and divorce, and essentially airing the "dirty laundry" of the relationship. However, I do need to give a basic time frame so you can get a clearer picture. February 2009 - told ex that I finally wanted a divorce. April 2009 - Divorce papers are served to ex. Later that month, ex hacks into my email and sends a mass email to my contacts which slanders me and my new boyfriend. I decide to take the high road and not even comment or counter attack the email.

Now, don't get me wrong - I was furious. And I really wanted to send my own email. I really really wanted to. But here's the thing... there's three sides to every story - mine, his and the truth. His email caused major discord between friends and family of mine. When I found out about it, I called him and he heard a whole new side to my vocabulary. He said that the moment he sent it, he felt terrible and that it made him feel sick to his stomach because he knew what the email would do to me and the people I'm closest to. The asshole must not have felt that bad because he didn't offer to send an apology email to everyone stating his remorse. He just let laying dogs lie.

Why am I telling you this? Because to this day, that damn email still haunts me. It's not everyday that it pops up, but a year should be enough time for things to move on. There's one person in particular that is still holding a grudge, and I heard about it again this morning. It really pisses me off. If that person is so upset or concerned about the damn email why don't they come to me and talk about it? Why don't they give me my chance to speak? Then there's the anger toward the ex. If the bastard hadn't sent the thing in the first place, this wouldn't be an issue. And let's face it... it's a pretty damn stupid issue.

So there are basically two different things I want to say in my conclusion. To my friends and family - I'm sorry. I'm sorry you feel I disappointed you, and I'm sorry if some of the decisions I made hurt you. However, those decisions I made were mine to make. I'm not asking for you to just forgive and forget, but just remember who I am and what I've been to you in your life. Because that, that has never changed. I've always been truthful with myself in the decisions I make, and I'm sure in the future there might be more decisions I'll have to make that you might not agree with. Are you going to shun me for those too? Also, before I let you go on with your day - remember - I'm happy with my decisions. They have put me in a much happier place in my life and I will never regret that.

And finally, to my ex - You hurt me while we were married, and that wasn't enough for you. You had to hurt me more, even though I had moved on and we were done with what was left of our life together. For this pain you've caused me - the before, during and after - I will never forgive you. It will never be okay. You are the most cowardly and despicable person that I know. With this said - take care of the next girl. You've already failed twice. Think about your actions in your first marriage and then in ours. And realize that you are going to have to compromise in your behavior and how you treat people, otherwise you're going to spend the rest of your mornings, afternoons and nights forever alone.

Song currently playing on my iPod - "Another Bag of Bricks" by Flogging Molly, Drunken Lullabies

The moron of today is...

the receptionist that works in the office. You will find she is usually my "moron of the day". How this girl gets by in the world is beyond me. I will refer to the receptionist from here on out as "MR". Please don't ask me what MR means, because then the point is just lost on you.

Today's catastrophe is that MR has caught a cold from the owner's wife (OW), who only comes into the office on Tuesdays and Thursdays for maybe 4-5 hours each day. Last week, OW was sick and went to the doctor to get medicine for the cough she had. Now this week, the MR has done nothing but complain about how OW came in and contaminated the office with her germs and how she caught them. (Note: OW is out this week on vacation.) Tuesday, MR went home early due to her illness. Yesterday, MR stayed home sick. One would think that if you've been feeling sick since last weekend and this sickness has caused you to stay home, that you might want to go to the doctor and get checked out yourself! Did MR do that? Absolutely not. Instead, she stayed home and sat on her stupid ass. And today, she's back in the office coughing up her sickness, so someone else can catch her bug. Hmmmm. I think I hear a hypocrite.

Oh, and let's not forget that MR has to screen everyone's phone calls that come into the office. I can't count how many times the bitch has coughed into my ear through the phone and not even said "excuse me". Next time I'm sick and have to cough, I'm calling her.

Song I'm currently listening to: "With You" by Chris Brown, Exclusive

My day was spent...

on reading other people's blogs. Most of them I just flipped past after reading their title and description. Some freaked me out, while some were just plain lame. But who am I to judge? I'm just like them, trying to get my voice out in the world, trying to get on my little soapbox of opinions and be heard.

In the beginning of this whole thing, I started out thinking I'm going to find tons of blogs that I'm going to like and find interesting. As my day progressed, and I clicked and clicked, I discovered that there aren't too many people out there who are just typing their daily bull shit and rants like I wanted to do. Some were posting their art, photos and wares that they made. Others I came across hadn't posted anything since Decmeber or January. Pfft. Like I want to "follow" someone who doesn't write for months. What's the point then?

I figured that if I could find a blog I was interested in enough to read for more than 10-15 minutes, and I wanted to come back for more, they had a follower. But trying to find a blog was hell on Earth. By the end of my day, I've found one that had me rolling on the floor with laughter. It's fairly new and I'm their first follower. I can't wait to see what they write next.

My whole point to this is that I realize my blog will probably get glanced at and passed by people just as I passed on theirs. For whatever reason it may be, maybe I wasn't cheerful enough or interesting enough. But that's okay. This is here for me. This is here for me to vent and get it all out here because I can't get it out anywhere else. I've already been told I'm a negative person, so maybe, just maybe, putting my thoughts and feelings on here will help qwell my bitching and moaning that I'm so apt to do. And if, if by chance you do find me interesting and do want to make a comment, I'm down with that too.

Song I'm currently listening to: "Don't Speak" by No Doubt, Tragic Kingdom

Holy crap

I just looked at some other blogs. I need to get my ass in gear. Everyone has their own little page that they designed, with pictures of their families up and have hundreds of posts dating back years. What the hell? Where was I through all of this? Why wasn't I informed that this was such a thing to do? Someone is going to look at my generic little page and laugh at the ridiculousness that is me and my blog.

Song I'm currently listening to: "Bathwater" by No Doubt, The Singles 1992-2003

New to this whole thing

I've decided to start blogging. I actually stole this idea from last Monday's episode of House. I know blogging has been around forever, but I just didn't think it was something I could get into. Then sitting there watching the show I thought to myself, "What a great way to get everything off of my chest, and not have have my family and close friends hear me complain all of the time." So, here I am. I am giving my gift of complaining to the world. I don't think that all of my posts will be complaints, at least I hope they won't be. I'd like this to be more of a sounding board for me, something where I can write about a problem I'm having and get different perspectives about it. I hope I've found the place to do it.

So let's see... I guess a bit about myself is in order. I'm 32, I was born and raised in California, and that's where I'm currently living. I have a full time job (sort of), more on that later. I don't consider myself an exciting individual. I work, come home, help my daughter with her homework if need be, figure out what to do for dinner, do my chores, watch some t.v. or play a video game and then go to bed. In the morning, I rinse and repeat. Just your normal everyday person.

So I guess that's it for now. I know I could say more, but I just wanted to get my feet wet a bit. I'll probably come back tonight and post about my day, hence the title of my blog. I hope I don't disappoint. Thanks for listening.

Song I'm currently listening to: "Shut Up" by the Black Eyed Peas, Elephunk