Dirty Laundry

I sometimes despise my ex-husband. I know, I know - who doesn't despise their ex? Most divorces end up getting ugly and both parties end up hurt, bitter and ashamed of the way they acted. My ex is one of those ashamed people. At least he says he is. Let me explain...

I will try and do this without going into all the gory details of the marriage and divorce, and essentially airing the "dirty laundry" of the relationship. However, I do need to give a basic time frame so you can get a clearer picture. February 2009 - told ex that I finally wanted a divorce. April 2009 - Divorce papers are served to ex. Later that month, ex hacks into my email and sends a mass email to my contacts which slanders me and my new boyfriend. I decide to take the high road and not even comment or counter attack the email.

Now, don't get me wrong - I was furious. And I really wanted to send my own email. I really really wanted to. But here's the thing... there's three sides to every story - mine, his and the truth. His email caused major discord between friends and family of mine. When I found out about it, I called him and he heard a whole new side to my vocabulary. He said that the moment he sent it, he felt terrible and that it made him feel sick to his stomach because he knew what the email would do to me and the people I'm closest to. The asshole must not have felt that bad because he didn't offer to send an apology email to everyone stating his remorse. He just let laying dogs lie.

Why am I telling you this? Because to this day, that damn email still haunts me. It's not everyday that it pops up, but a year should be enough time for things to move on. There's one person in particular that is still holding a grudge, and I heard about it again this morning. It really pisses me off. If that person is so upset or concerned about the damn email why don't they come to me and talk about it? Why don't they give me my chance to speak? Then there's the anger toward the ex. If the bastard hadn't sent the thing in the first place, this wouldn't be an issue. And let's face it... it's a pretty damn stupid issue.

So there are basically two different things I want to say in my conclusion. To my friends and family - I'm sorry. I'm sorry you feel I disappointed you, and I'm sorry if some of the decisions I made hurt you. However, those decisions I made were mine to make. I'm not asking for you to just forgive and forget, but just remember who I am and what I've been to you in your life. Because that, that has never changed. I've always been truthful with myself in the decisions I make, and I'm sure in the future there might be more decisions I'll have to make that you might not agree with. Are you going to shun me for those too? Also, before I let you go on with your day - remember - I'm happy with my decisions. They have put me in a much happier place in my life and I will never regret that.

And finally, to my ex - You hurt me while we were married, and that wasn't enough for you. You had to hurt me more, even though I had moved on and we were done with what was left of our life together. For this pain you've caused me - the before, during and after - I will never forgive you. It will never be okay. You are the most cowardly and despicable person that I know. With this said - take care of the next girl. You've already failed twice. Think about your actions in your first marriage and then in ours. And realize that you are going to have to compromise in your behavior and how you treat people, otherwise you're going to spend the rest of your mornings, afternoons and nights forever alone.

Song currently playing on my iPod - "Another Bag of Bricks" by Flogging Molly, Drunken Lullabies