Monday, September 19, 2011

I have a case of the Mondays...


Because I gave you webbers a list of some of the things I love on Friday, I felt it only fitting that I give you a list of some of the things I hate on Monday.

And please stay tuned following my list, as a fellow blogger (and my hero) happened to post an interesting blog the other day, and I wanted to share it with you all. I'll post the link to her blog after my rant on my hates, and then I'll comment on it as well.

Now, onto the hate rant!
1. Two-faced people - I think this is my number one hate. I seriously can't stand two-faced people and I think all of them should take a kick to the taco or groin on a daily basis.

2. Mondays - My busiest day at work.

3. Seafood - People are always trying to get me to eat seafood. It's not gonna happen people, me no likey. So stop trying!

4. People who solicit - Whether it be cold calling on the phone, walking into the lobby at work, or up to my front door at home, I always feel like my privacy bubble was somehow a little bit invaded. Yes, I understand these people have to make a living, I just don't want them to do it around me. If I want what you're peddling badly enough, I'll come to you.

5. Bugs - pretty much any bug will completely freak me out and make me scream like the girl I am.


Okay, now for the post. As I stated before, Brandi over at The Douglass Diaries found a post from another blogger, Single Dad Laughing. Brandi read SDL's blog and posted a blog herself in response to it. Brandi's blog can be found here, which you MUST read. If I can persuade you to do anything in your life, please let it be to check out both Brandi's and SDL's blogs. I promise you, you won't regret it.

After reading both SDL's and Brandi's blogs, I decided to take Brandi's challenge. But what would I write about? It's true that I am my most hateful and judgmental critic, and I had plenty of things that I could choose from. It took me all weekend to weed through and pick my "perfection" issue. I picked this particular issue because my brain kept circling around it and it kept coming back like a bad UTI. (Your welcome for the link.) So, without further delay, here goes.

I want to be the perfect woman. What I mean is, I want to be able to do it all - be the best mom, be the best wife (or in this case right now, girlfriend), be the best friend that everyone can depend on, and so forth. Sometimes I feel that I want this so badly, and think about it constantly, I'm falling into a form of depression. I trick myself into unrealistic goals and then become sad or angry with myself when I don't live up to the hype, which I never do.

I fail miserably at being a mother. I'm always berating myself for things I can't control, for example, my daughter and her schoolwork. If she fails to bring home a book from school that she needs for homework, or she forgets to do something on her own, then I feel it's my fault because I didn't remind her, or I didn't teach her well enough to be more responsible. Another reason that I fail miserably as a mother is because I can't afford to "spoil" my daughter. I'm constantly the parent that can afford to buy her the necessities, but nothing fun. And the real stab to the heart is that almost every time she spends time with her dad, she comes home with some frivilous thing that he bought her. And the only thing I can do is smile and say how much I like it. Another view of this is also being the strict parent. The parent who grounds my daughter for being irresponsible, while her dad lets her do whatever she wants.

I fail at being a girlfriend because I feel like I fail at everything within the relationship. Give me an example of something, and I can tell you how I fail at that. And I'm really scared because I'm afraid my boyfriend's "real" would be our relationship and how much he really hates it because I'm such a failure, and not his perfect girl.

I fail at being a friend because I feel that sometimes a friend just needs to vent to me about their life, and I somehow always find ways to interject something that happened to me in my life and tell them about it. I hate that I do it. I don't think my friends realize that the only reason I do it is because I want them to know that I understand what they're going through and I'm there for them, and that I'm not just blowing steam out of my ass when I give them advice. I'm afraid it distances people from me, and that hurts. I'm sad that out of the group of girls I hang with, two of them are best friends with one another, and the other has a best friend from years prior. I'm sad that nobody calls me "best", not just because I want the title, but because it would make me feel like I didn't fail in something - that someone actually wants to be around me, and that I'm the first person they turn to (besides a spouse) if they have a problem.

My real is that I'm crying because I feel like a failure, even while I write this. This is my real that I face everyday.

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